Making People Change

I have been asked, "As a coach, how can you make people change?"

As I said in my last article people resist change.  Most may not admit it, but they truly fear change.  People may not like what is happening in their life now, but at least they know what to expect.  They fear that if they change, they can not be certain what will happen.  There is a fear of the unknown.  If they change, things might get better, but maybe they will get worse.

A good example of this is someone who has an addiction.  Let's look at someone with a gambling addiction.  Most of these people try to lead normal lives but the thrill they get gambling can consumes every aspect their lives.  The addict believe that the next bet will be the one that is the big winner. They convince themselves that once they hit it big, they can take their winnings and quit.  But no mater how much they win, they can't quit because it is not about the money it is about the thrill of placing the bet.  I had a relative share this story.  They told me that a person they know won $500,000 at a local casino and that it ruined their life.  When they won the money they convinced themselves that it they invested so of their winning, they could win even more.  What happened?  Not only did this person loos the entire $500,000 but they also go so addicted they lost their house and all their savings.  They are worse off now than before they won.

So how do make someone change?  The fact is there is nothing anyone can do to MAKE someone else change.  Nothing. The only person you can change is yourself.  Unless a person has arrived at a place that they are willing to change, they won't.  Even when people reach a point of knowing and accepting that they must change, that change will be very hard.  The thrill of gambling is always in the mind of the addict, it never leaves. 


My role as a coach is to help individuals get to the point that they can see and accept they need to change.  I help them put together a road map of measurable goals and steps to help them make the change they have identified.   It is the responsibility of the person I am coaching to follow their road map.  I can only be there to help praise and hold them accountable to follow their plans.

Everyone of of us is imperfect and we all have areas in our lives that need change.  Maybe we need to make changes to improve our relationships, career, or in some other area of our life, but all of us need to change.  You may have reached the point that you know change is needed, but are uncertain how to proceed.  As a coach, I can help you.  Know that there is no "one size fits all".  Each persons road map is different and customized. 

You must not fear change, but rather embrace it. In life, we are either moving forward or backward, we do not stay stationary.  Change will happen, there is no stopping it.

If you are at a point that you have identified that you are in a place they need to make change and are willing to work on changing, you are ready to start working with a coach.  Are you ready for change?