I love the Indiana Jones movies, especially the one called the "Last Crusade". In that movie Indiana is faced with three "trials" he must overcome to get to the "prize". His fathers life depends on him reaching the prize. Each of the trials is described using clues. To safely reach the prize he must quickly determine the meaning of each clue and take the correct action. Failure to do so would mean certain doom. The writers of the movie present unexpected surprises in the movie. One of my favorite surprises is when Indiana is faced with the third trial, since he got to the third trial you can assume he passed the first two. This trial presents a situation that looks impossible. Indiana must cross a seemingly endlessly deep valley without a rope or bridge. He can not jump over the valley because it is too far to the other side. His clue for this trial tell him he must simply "walk on air" over the valley to a cave on the other side. At this point Indiana takes a "step of faith" and to his surprise he does not fall. At this point in the movie we, like Indiana, have only seen the valley by looking down at it. Now the movie makers switch the view to a side view and we now can see why Indiana did not fall. This view reveals that a camouflaged rock bridge, that blends in perfectly with the other side of the valley, exists. The solution was always there but Indiana could not see it. Only when he stepped out in faith wa he able to find the answer. To see how this movie turned out you will need to rent it, sorry.
I wanted to use this movie scene as an illustration. Most people facing challenges that seem impossible to overcome can not see the solution so they loose hope. Since they can't see the "bridge" to the other side they think that they are doomed to stay where they are.
As a coach, it is my job to help people look at their challenges from a different angle. I try to show them that a "bridge" exists. Often the people still do not see the "bridge" and so they resist stepping forward. They have reached a cross road. If they won't step out in faith, they will not move forward to overcome their challenge. Conquering this trial may be simply the first of several trials they will face to overcome their challenge. Without conquering this trial they can not move forward to the next.
As a coach I find it very rewarding when people conquer their trials and move forward. But not everyone I work with will take the leap. I have learned that "you can lead a horse to water but can not make it drink". The person whom I am coaching must take the step, I can not force them or even do it for them. But I can encourage them by "salting the oats".
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Expert gardening requires pruning
Making change in our lives is a little like gardening. Gardeners know that pruning, cutting away branches and buds, is one of the most important things a person can do to produce beautiful and mature roses. Without pruning, the rose bush fails to thrive and the roses never reach their full beauty and potential. Pruning is important for three reasons. First, a plant can produce more buds that it can sustain. Pruning insures that the remaining buds get all the nutrients they need. The remaining buds will grow larger, healthier, and more beautiful. Second, the plant has dead and sick branches. Pruning these will keep the plant from falling into decay. The sick branches starve the plant and may cause it to not produce flowers. Third, pruning to shape the plant. Pruning keeps the plant from becoming "over-grown". Keeping it within it's boundaries.
If we want the best in in our lives, we will need to do a little pruning from time to time. Pruning can be very hard and even quite painful, but without pruning we will never become the person we want to be. Pruning needs to be done in all aspects of our lives. How do the three reasons for pruning play out in our lives?
First, most of us have too many thing going on in our lives. Many of these things can be really good things, but because we have so many we can not put forth the effort needed for any to really mature and reach it's potential. The really important things in our lives never grow because they do not have the attention and effort they need. Do you want a lot of little immature flowers or a smaller number of massive and beautiful flowers?
Second, we need to look at the things in our lives that cause us to be sick. Things that are hurting or holding us back. Things that we know are bad, but we do them anyway. Maybe it is a bad habit or the way we treat other people. Without these bad things drawing our time and energy we could excel and be more successful. What bad things are you doing that are holding you back?
Third, we need to shape ourselves around the goals and a life that is more fulfilling. We need to continue to ask ourselves if what we are doing is moving us forward into the type of person we want to be or moving us backward. We are never standing still, if we are not moving forward we are moving backward. We need to prune out the stuff that detracts from being the best employee, spouse, parent, or friend we can be. Do you have things in your life that need to removed to keep you on track?
Life coaching is about helping you identify and pruning those areas in your life that need change. Are you happy with where you are and where your life is going or are you just existing from day to day wondering where you are going? If you need change, why not contact us to see how we might help?
If we want the best in in our lives, we will need to do a little pruning from time to time. Pruning can be very hard and even quite painful, but without pruning we will never become the person we want to be. Pruning needs to be done in all aspects of our lives. How do the three reasons for pruning play out in our lives?
First, most of us have too many thing going on in our lives. Many of these things can be really good things, but because we have so many we can not put forth the effort needed for any to really mature and reach it's potential. The really important things in our lives never grow because they do not have the attention and effort they need. Do you want a lot of little immature flowers or a smaller number of massive and beautiful flowers?
Second, we need to look at the things in our lives that cause us to be sick. Things that are hurting or holding us back. Things that we know are bad, but we do them anyway. Maybe it is a bad habit or the way we treat other people. Without these bad things drawing our time and energy we could excel and be more successful. What bad things are you doing that are holding you back?
Third, we need to shape ourselves around the goals and a life that is more fulfilling. We need to continue to ask ourselves if what we are doing is moving us forward into the type of person we want to be or moving us backward. We are never standing still, if we are not moving forward we are moving backward. We need to prune out the stuff that detracts from being the best employee, spouse, parent, or friend we can be. Do you have things in your life that need to removed to keep you on track?
Life coaching is about helping you identify and pruning those areas in your life that need change. Are you happy with where you are and where your life is going or are you just existing from day to day wondering where you are going? If you need change, why not contact us to see how we might help?
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Who are you?
When I ask people to give me a list of their top priorities, I often get the sense that they are telling me what they want me to hear and not what they actually believe. Understanding our REAL priorities are important to each of us. Not just the ones we share with others, but our real priorities. They are the ones that shape us into who we are. I often tell people that who you are, how you act, and what you do when you are alone and think no one is watching, is who you really are.
Some people have good priorities. The problem is not the priorities but how they define their priorities. They define their priorities in a way that they don't hold themselves accountable to them. People tell me they value honesty, for example, but when pressed on the issue what they really believe is that other people should be honest with them, but that they don't have to be honest. There is nothing wrong with expecting people to be honest with you, but how can you expect others to be honest with you if you are not honest with them? The "Golden Rule" does not say "he who has the gold makes the rules" it actually says "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
So who are you? Are you trying to live two lives? Are you a person trying to live one way when you are around people at work or in a socially setting and another when you are alone? Do you expect others to treat you differently that you treat the?
Maybe it is time for you to "get real" to start to "walk the walk" and "talk the talk"?
Life coaching is about helping you with setting worthwhile priorities. It will help you put them into practice and will hold you accountable. You don't have to live as you have always lived, you don't have to believe what you have always believed and you don't have to act as you have always acted.
Some people have good priorities. The problem is not the priorities but how they define their priorities. They define their priorities in a way that they don't hold themselves accountable to them. People tell me they value honesty, for example, but when pressed on the issue what they really believe is that other people should be honest with them, but that they don't have to be honest. There is nothing wrong with expecting people to be honest with you, but how can you expect others to be honest with you if you are not honest with them? The "Golden Rule" does not say "he who has the gold makes the rules" it actually says "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
So who are you? Are you trying to live two lives? Are you a person trying to live one way when you are around people at work or in a socially setting and another when you are alone? Do you expect others to treat you differently that you treat the?
Maybe it is time for you to "get real" to start to "walk the walk" and "talk the talk"?
Life coaching is about helping you with setting worthwhile priorities. It will help you put them into practice and will hold you accountable. You don't have to live as you have always lived, you don't have to believe what you have always believed and you don't have to act as you have always acted.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Climbing the ladder of "success"
"Climbing the ladder of success" is an often used metaphor to describe someone moving up in their career. There are three ways one can climb the ladder:
The first method is climbing by yourself. Theses climbers decide what skills they need and are willing to "do what it takes" to move up the rungs of the ladder. Often these people will climb over or even "use" other people to get to that next rung. If they have to walk over a few people, so be it. Only the strong survive. These types of people are often self centered and their mantra is "It is all about ME". Their spouse, family, morals, and personal life is secondary to their primary goal, climbing the ladder and trying to reach the top.
The second method is to "suck-up" to everyone higher on the ladder than you are. These climbers become "yes people" willing to do any and every thing their boss tells them to do. They support their boss, even if they know their boss is lying and dishonest. Their mantra is still "It is all about me" but also "my boss will bring me to the top with him".
The third method people use to climb the ladder is integrity. These people use honesty and integrity to build trust and relationships. People using this method are not self-serving and believe that the best way to get ahead is being honest, working hard, learning new skills, and helping fellow co-workers with no expectation that they will receive anything for their help. People using this method are often picked on and "made fun of" by people using methods one or two. Method one and two people feel threatened by people with any moral values. They see them as weak and that they will never achieve success.
The expression, "what goes around comes around" usually occurs to people who use method one or two. When the chips are down people will not come to the aid of people who use method one or two. People do not like these types of people, especially people who use the same climbing methods. People may not actually push these people off the cliff, but they are certainly not going to point out that a cliff is ahead.
Before you try to be "successful" it would be best for you to define what success means to you. Is it about position, money or fame? I tell people that, "if you are above average in intelligence, willing to put in the time and "do what it takes", you can reach any level of success, even that of a CEO or even the President of the United States." The question you have to answer is, "What "price" am I willing to pay?" Are you willing to see your marriage and relationships with your kids crumble? Are you willing to work 80 to 100 hours each week? Are you willing to make this the number one thing in your life? Or is success really about striving to maximize your skills and letting your skills and integrity take you where they will. You may never be a CEO but is being a CEO really worth the cost?
Life coaching helps you establish a "true north" for your life and career. It is designed to help you map out a better way to reach your goals.
For all of you climbing the corporate ladder; make sure the ladder is leaning up against the right structure. Too often people don't realize the consequences and costs of their climb until it has cost them much more than they ever planned to give.
The first method is climbing by yourself. Theses climbers decide what skills they need and are willing to "do what it takes" to move up the rungs of the ladder. Often these people will climb over or even "use" other people to get to that next rung. If they have to walk over a few people, so be it. Only the strong survive. These types of people are often self centered and their mantra is "It is all about ME". Their spouse, family, morals, and personal life is secondary to their primary goal, climbing the ladder and trying to reach the top.
The second method is to "suck-up" to everyone higher on the ladder than you are. These climbers become "yes people" willing to do any and every thing their boss tells them to do. They support their boss, even if they know their boss is lying and dishonest. Their mantra is still "It is all about me" but also "my boss will bring me to the top with him".
The third method people use to climb the ladder is integrity. These people use honesty and integrity to build trust and relationships. People using this method are not self-serving and believe that the best way to get ahead is being honest, working hard, learning new skills, and helping fellow co-workers with no expectation that they will receive anything for their help. People using this method are often picked on and "made fun of" by people using methods one or two. Method one and two people feel threatened by people with any moral values. They see them as weak and that they will never achieve success.
The expression, "what goes around comes around" usually occurs to people who use method one or two. When the chips are down people will not come to the aid of people who use method one or two. People do not like these types of people, especially people who use the same climbing methods. People may not actually push these people off the cliff, but they are certainly not going to point out that a cliff is ahead.
Before you try to be "successful" it would be best for you to define what success means to you. Is it about position, money or fame? I tell people that, "if you are above average in intelligence, willing to put in the time and "do what it takes", you can reach any level of success, even that of a CEO or even the President of the United States." The question you have to answer is, "What "price" am I willing to pay?" Are you willing to see your marriage and relationships with your kids crumble? Are you willing to work 80 to 100 hours each week? Are you willing to make this the number one thing in your life? Or is success really about striving to maximize your skills and letting your skills and integrity take you where they will. You may never be a CEO but is being a CEO really worth the cost?
Life coaching helps you establish a "true north" for your life and career. It is designed to help you map out a better way to reach your goals.
For all of you climbing the corporate ladder; make sure the ladder is leaning up against the right structure. Too often people don't realize the consequences and costs of their climb until it has cost them much more than they ever planned to give.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Act Like an Ant
In his book "9 Things You Simply Must Do", a book I highly recommend you read, Dr. Henry Cloud gives us 9 principles we all need to follow. One of these he calls "Act Like an Ant".
When we look at something we want to do or change in our life, we can become overwhelmed. The task looks so large and so daunting we can easy become discourage and give up. We can see where we are and where we want to be but have no idea on how to get there. We may tell ourselves, "someday I will", but time moves on, runs out, and the change or dream is never fulfilled. Too many people settle for what they have and not what they could have simply because wanting it all and wanting it now, keeps them from having any.
Cloud refers to a quote by Isak Dinesen, "When you have a great and difficult task, something perhaps almost impossible, if you only work a little at a time, everyday a little, suddenly the work will finish itself". This is the same process an ant uses. Ants are amazing little creatures. Have you ever watched them or thought about them? They have no commander, no overseer or ruler telling them what to do. Each of them somehow seems to know what needs to be done and then they do it. Working together they build massive cities. This act is accomplished one ant with one pebble, one step at a time, one grain of sand at a time. It takes time, but they do accomplish their goals.
Cloud uses the example of John Grisham to prove his point. Grisham is one of the biggest selling authors of modern time. While working more than full time as an attorney, he had the dream of writing a novel. Many people in Grisham's circumstance would have let their dream die, but Grisham went the way of the ant. He got up a little earlier each morning and wrote just a little bit each day. Slowly, one page at a time over a three year period he completed his first book, "A Time To Kill". The longest journey starts with the first step and them continuing, one step at a time.
Life Coaching is about helping people find ways to break a big task down into smaller pieces. Think of it like this, how do you swallow and elephant? One small bite at a time. A life coach can help you reach your dreams and goals one small bite at a time.
When we look at something we want to do or change in our life, we can become overwhelmed. The task looks so large and so daunting we can easy become discourage and give up. We can see where we are and where we want to be but have no idea on how to get there. We may tell ourselves, "someday I will", but time moves on, runs out, and the change or dream is never fulfilled. Too many people settle for what they have and not what they could have simply because wanting it all and wanting it now, keeps them from having any.
Cloud refers to a quote by Isak Dinesen, "When you have a great and difficult task, something perhaps almost impossible, if you only work a little at a time, everyday a little, suddenly the work will finish itself". This is the same process an ant uses. Ants are amazing little creatures. Have you ever watched them or thought about them? They have no commander, no overseer or ruler telling them what to do. Each of them somehow seems to know what needs to be done and then they do it. Working together they build massive cities. This act is accomplished one ant with one pebble, one step at a time, one grain of sand at a time. It takes time, but they do accomplish their goals.
Cloud uses the example of John Grisham to prove his point. Grisham is one of the biggest selling authors of modern time. While working more than full time as an attorney, he had the dream of writing a novel. Many people in Grisham's circumstance would have let their dream die, but Grisham went the way of the ant. He got up a little earlier each morning and wrote just a little bit each day. Slowly, one page at a time over a three year period he completed his first book, "A Time To Kill". The longest journey starts with the first step and them continuing, one step at a time.
Life Coaching is about helping people find ways to break a big task down into smaller pieces. Think of it like this, how do you swallow and elephant? One small bite at a time. A life coach can help you reach your dreams and goals one small bite at a time.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
"Slaves" to our past
You do not have to think the way you have always thought, you do not have to act the way you have always acted, and you don't have to live the life you have always lived.
Do you believe this statement?
I am amazed at the number of people who have become "slaves" to things that have happened to them in their past. They use some event or events to justify their poor behaviors. When these people are taken to task for their bad behavior they usually reply, "I can't because...." or "I would like to change, but....". "My marriage is failing because my parents never taught me how to love" or "My parents verbally abused me as a child" or "How can I forgive this person after what they did to me". I think back to the expression I heard somewhere, "People believe what truth they have to believe to go on being the way they are" and "Your past doesn't control your present any more than a mirror controls what you look like".
Many of us have bought into the lie that somehow we were a "victim". "The devil made me do it". We destroy every relationship we have and somehow think it not our fault. We always think the fault belongs to someone else, we are simply "victims". It is not our fault! People who buy into this lie allow their past events to enslave them and rob them of joy, peace, hope, and love.
I am not trying to trivialize things you have experienced in your past. Many people have suffered greatly at the hands of others. Many times those closest to us hurt us the most. But we don't have to become "slaves" to or victims of our past. We don't have to hurt others, the way we were hurt. We do not have to treat others the way we were treated. We can forgive another even it they do not deserve to be forgiven. Forgiving those who have mistreated us sets us free.
You do not have to think the way you have always thought, you do not have to act the way you have always acted, and you don't have to live the life you have always lived.
Change can be very hard, but everyone can change. The first step to making change is to acknowledging we need to change. The second step is finding the people who can help guide us through the change. Someone who will hold us accountable to make the changes we need to make.
Life Coaching is all about helping others break the "slavery" of our past. Can we help you change? Contact us today.
Do you believe this statement?
I am amazed at the number of people who have become "slaves" to things that have happened to them in their past. They use some event or events to justify their poor behaviors. When these people are taken to task for their bad behavior they usually reply, "I can't because...." or "I would like to change, but....". "My marriage is failing because my parents never taught me how to love" or "My parents verbally abused me as a child" or "How can I forgive this person after what they did to me". I think back to the expression I heard somewhere, "People believe what truth they have to believe to go on being the way they are" and "Your past doesn't control your present any more than a mirror controls what you look like".
Many of us have bought into the lie that somehow we were a "victim". "The devil made me do it". We destroy every relationship we have and somehow think it not our fault. We always think the fault belongs to someone else, we are simply "victims". It is not our fault! People who buy into this lie allow their past events to enslave them and rob them of joy, peace, hope, and love.
I am not trying to trivialize things you have experienced in your past. Many people have suffered greatly at the hands of others. Many times those closest to us hurt us the most. But we don't have to become "slaves" to or victims of our past. We don't have to hurt others, the way we were hurt. We do not have to treat others the way we were treated. We can forgive another even it they do not deserve to be forgiven. Forgiving those who have mistreated us sets us free.
You do not have to think the way you have always thought, you do not have to act the way you have always acted, and you don't have to live the life you have always lived.
Change can be very hard, but everyone can change. The first step to making change is to acknowledging we need to change. The second step is finding the people who can help guide us through the change. Someone who will hold us accountable to make the changes we need to make.
Life Coaching is all about helping others break the "slavery" of our past. Can we help you change? Contact us today.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Human Mind
Read the next paragraph. If you try to read it slow, you will have trouble. Just read it out loud.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deson't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltter be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
Were you surprised that you could read it? I know I was the first time! Our mind is truly amazing.
Life coaching helps you unlock your potential.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deson't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltter be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
Were you surprised that you could read it? I know I was the first time! Our mind is truly amazing.
Life coaching helps you unlock your potential.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The "Happiness Factor"
Our economy seems to be driven by dissatisfaction and unhappiness. If an advertiser can make you unhappy or dissatisfied with something about yourself they get you to by their product. Advertisers will try to convince you that your teeth are not white enough and that their tooth whitening product will make your teeth bright as the new fallen snow. But what they are really getting you to buy into is the "lie". The "lie" is that by buying a product, any product, will somehow make you feel better and happier. They tell you,"Want happiness? Use or buy our product". We just can't be happy without their product.
People spend far too much of their income buying things they don't need to try to impress people who don't care. As we buy more and more into the lie, we become more and more disillusioned to discover that instead of feeling better we actually feel worse. We use the "magic" product and it does not work. We are no happier. We start thinking there must be something else wrong with us, so we look for some other "magic" product that will make us happy. The cycle goes on, never ending because happiness does not come from anything we can buy.
Happiness, true happiness, comes from within. It is not dependent on the what you wear or the type of car you drive or even how much money you make. If most people were really honest they would admit that the reason they drive a particular car or wear a brand of clothing has everything to do with trying to impress others.
True happiness is learning to be content with what you have and how you look. I am not saying that we should not try to look our best or, in my case I could loose a few pounds, but to find true happiness we need to focus on seeing and rejoicing in the blessings we have. We have a roof over our head, we have a car to drive (even if it is old and out of style), we have a job, and have family & friends.
Do you realize if you make $20,000 per year your are richer than 88.84% of everyone living on the planet? If you make $30,000 you are wealthier than 92.84% of the planet. (This is according to the website www.globalrichlist.com).
So count your blessings and start to "see"and appreciate all the great things you have! You might not drive a new BMW, but you are living in a country where everyone is truly blessed. Do you know that 1.3 billion people on this planet live on less than $2 per day?
Our personal happiness depends on us getting our priorities in order and to stop buying into the "lie".
People spend far too much of their income buying things they don't need to try to impress people who don't care. As we buy more and more into the lie, we become more and more disillusioned to discover that instead of feeling better we actually feel worse. We use the "magic" product and it does not work. We are no happier. We start thinking there must be something else wrong with us, so we look for some other "magic" product that will make us happy. The cycle goes on, never ending because happiness does not come from anything we can buy.
Happiness, true happiness, comes from within. It is not dependent on the what you wear or the type of car you drive or even how much money you make. If most people were really honest they would admit that the reason they drive a particular car or wear a brand of clothing has everything to do with trying to impress others.
True happiness is learning to be content with what you have and how you look. I am not saying that we should not try to look our best or, in my case I could loose a few pounds, but to find true happiness we need to focus on seeing and rejoicing in the blessings we have. We have a roof over our head, we have a car to drive (even if it is old and out of style), we have a job, and have family & friends.
Do you realize if you make $20,000 per year your are richer than 88.84% of everyone living on the planet? If you make $30,000 you are wealthier than 92.84% of the planet. (This is according to the website www.globalrichlist.com).
So count your blessings and start to "see"and appreciate all the great things you have! You might not drive a new BMW, but you are living in a country where everyone is truly blessed. Do you know that 1.3 billion people on this planet live on less than $2 per day?
Our personal happiness depends on us getting our priorities in order and to stop buying into the "lie".
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